Being Black in the Workplace: The Politics of Politeness in Every Email

There’s a unique kind of exhaustion that comes with being Black in predominantly white professional spaces. It’s not always overt. It’s not always name-calling or being passed over for promotions. Sometimes, it’s in the quiet, invisible labor of editing yourself—over and over again—just to be "palatable."

Take email writing, for example. Something as simple as sending a note about a missed deadline or a project update turns into a mental chess game. You write what you really want to say: direct, honest, clear. But then the voice in your head kicks in:

"Does this sound too aggressive?"

"Will they read this as ‘angry’ or ‘unprofessional’?"

"Should I throw in an exclamation point to soften it?"

"Maybe I should start with 'Just following up!' so it feels more friendly?"

So you proofread. Once. Twice. Twelve times. Removing anything that could be misinterpreted as threatening, curt, or “not a team player.” You dilute the message, coat it with extra niceties, and pad it with disclaimers—just to avoid the silent judgment or the sudden change in tone from a colleague or manager.

And the wildest part? You're often just saying the exact same thing your white counterparts say—except when they do it, it's seen as assertive. Efficient. Strong leadership. But when you do it? It's a “tone issue.” It’s “concerning.” It’s “something we should talk about.”

This kind of emotional labor is rarely discussed, but it’s very real. It’s the performance of constant self-monitoring, the fear that your natural communication style will be labeled unprofessional simply because of who it’s coming from. And it’s draining.

What gets lost in all of this is the truth. The real feelings. The justified frustrations. The very human reactions you have to being overlooked, undervalued, or dismissed. You don’t always want to be graceful. Sometimes you want to be real. Raw. Honest. You want to respond without smiling through it. But professionalism, in these spaces, too often becomes a synonym for silence. For passivity. For letting things slide so you don't get labeled.

Here’s the truth: your voice is valid. Your tone isn’t inherently aggressive—it’s assertive, passionate, clear. And even if the world isn't always ready to hear it unfiltered, it doesn't make it any less worthy of being heard.